Breathe

I am proud of myself.

 It was down to me, and I pulled it together, simply by holding on and willing her not to let go completely.

I was at That point where a person has coped as much as they can and then the line has been crossed and thier insides cant function anymore and you forget how to breathe and become someone else, someone crazy.
I could feel it bubbling inside me, and twitching out of my body in words and sounds and sobs and movements that i couldnt control. It was the point where I could have been lost forever.

My last shred of awareness is what brought me out of it. She's not going to be lost to a tortured mind. I'm going to bring myself out of it. I wont lose my sanity...

I had to let it out, this volcano erupting in the core of my being that was stealing mind and ruling my thoughts and robbing my identity and cruelly clouding my hopes and my dreams as i stood back outside of my body, and watched in despair as her life slipped away from her, powerless to stop it.

She couldnt be swallowed up, she couldnt be beaten, she had to find some strength and beat this. I had to just go, get away somewhere open, somewhere quiet where nobody would see me, and scream and scream and scream and shout with every part of my being.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

 Let out all the badness and confusion and hurt Until my throat was too sore and my heart was pounding and my head was dizzy and my lungs were pink and swollen and bursting. Until it felt like I had no more air left in my body.
And finally I could breathe.

And the burden was lighter, the darkness was whiter, and the future seemed brighter.

Then I lent back and put my hand in sheep poo, and decided I should go home before i do anything that might seem a bit crazy.