EEK

I have Art Therapy later today.

After last weeks session, where I just wanted the ground to swallow me up and it took every bit of me not to get up and run, I am a little bit nervous.

Im not really sure why it felt so bad...I just felt, like, naked. Like I had been turned inside out and all my ugliest bits were just hanging out on the table for Lesley to see. Uncomfortable.

But she said thats why its Therapy. Its not too nice...but I guess its like you got to get to the yucky bits to clean them up a bit and start again. 

Sometimes I try not talking to her, so I can just draw or paint or something, but then I feel  like Im being rude for not talking. Sometimes I talk to her and forget the art bit and then feel bad for not drawing anything.

I got to stop thinking so much my head does my head in!

Normally my head is very LOUD and it doesnt even make sense to me so I dont know what to say, or sometimes I know what I want to say or what I want to draw but it all comes out wrong or my voice doesn't come out at all because I get all nervy.

But, anyway, today.... I am gonna have a shower and get dressed and..... put some make-up on because I only ever do that when I mean business. And Im going to go to Art Therapy and be brave and honest and willing, and be someone who is holding it together so that I can say what I mean to say or draw what i mean to draw or pastel or ink or whatever, and leave feeling like PHEW. Mind you I normally tell myself to do this when I go and it rarely happens. But....just gotta keep trying!

Bernie have gone a bit bananas this morning. They are chasing a ball and playing fetch. I think they think they are dogs, Bert even rolls over and gives me paw. So far today I have had 1 cigarettes, and 0 Sherbert Lemons.