Someone who may have stumbled across my blog might wonder exactly what it is I do with my life; what i do for a living or what I am studying at college. The answer to that is nothing..... Although to be fair, I do actually do stuff.
There is a lot of stigma attatched to someone who lives in a council flat and claims benefits and doesnt work. So for the sake of all the lovely people Ive met who cant work due to illness, I thought I'd try to eradicate some of these preconceptions.
Maybe you pictured the unemployed cat-lady as someone with no teeth who makes no effort to contribute to society. Or you might assume that I sit in my pjs and watch Jeremy Kyle all day, or hang out at the park and drink cider and occasionally mug old ladies.
Well actually i still have all my teeth and I dont even have a criminal record. That doesnt mean to say Ive never broken the law....just never been caught cos Im cheeky. :-D
What I am trying to say is that I am not satisfied just blobbing around and not making anything of my life. And I dont think there is anyone Ive met during my times in hospital or at The Funny Farm who wants to be ill or thinks its fun to get your money for nothing. I've actually been working very hard to try and make somthing of myself so that I can be someone who has a purpose and has something to offer the world.
I have been signed off sick for a few years now. I have a bit of paper that says i am'unfit for work'...how embarassing. I really want to work. But my brain goes wonky sometimes and I get a bit anxious and in real life Im not actually as cool as I sound in my blog. Im a bit twitchy and weird.
I used to work in Scummerfield at the checkout whilst studying for my Alevels. 2 years of Psychology, art, english and Philosophy....but sadly I have no A Levels as I didnt take the exams due to being locked in a mental hospital. waking up in a psychiatric unit having spent most of your life trying to succeed and hold things together, is a bit of a bummer. Actually thought my life was over.
But it isnt and I came out of hospital after a few months and started college doing Health and Social Care, and I couldnt concentrate and I got too nervous to go in and I had lost the ability to concentrate or read and write very well and it was too hard and life was getting very very tricky and I wasnt coping, so after another failed attempt at studying I stopped college. And then Ive been back in hospital and out again, and whilst most of my school friends are in thier final year at uni or have been busy travelling the world, I have become a cat-lady in slippers who goes to a funny farm and splashes paint around from time to time.
It is very frustrating as up until I had a nervy B, I had all the potential and energy to make a success of my life. I worked hard at school, and got some A* GCSEs not because I am that clever but because I worked my butt off...and where has it got me?
The point is I still intend on getting my qualifications and then getting a good job where I can do something useful and maybe help other people. Mental Health problems (some sort of personality disease apparantly) has really got in the way the last few years. I tried to kill myself a few times, and Im still not sure how I managed to escape death since each time I was pretty sure it should work....but apparantly not. so I figured I was just going to have to battle on.. and Im still here :-)
On the bright side at least I will have had my fair share of stress and trauma so that when I hit 35 and my school friends are having thier mid-life crises, I will have already had my early life crises and will be off having a ball like I should have been doing these last few years.
I just want everyone to know that one day I will pay my way and do something very useful with my time here on earth, and that is a promise.
There is a lot of stigma attatched to someone who lives in a council flat and claims benefits and doesnt work. So for the sake of all the lovely people Ive met who cant work due to illness, I thought I'd try to eradicate some of these preconceptions.
Maybe you pictured the unemployed cat-lady as someone with no teeth who makes no effort to contribute to society. Or you might assume that I sit in my pjs and watch Jeremy Kyle all day, or hang out at the park and drink cider and occasionally mug old ladies.
Well actually i still have all my teeth and I dont even have a criminal record. That doesnt mean to say Ive never broken the law....just never been caught cos Im cheeky. :-D
What I am trying to say is that I am not satisfied just blobbing around and not making anything of my life. And I dont think there is anyone Ive met during my times in hospital or at The Funny Farm who wants to be ill or thinks its fun to get your money for nothing. I've actually been working very hard to try and make somthing of myself so that I can be someone who has a purpose and has something to offer the world.
I have been signed off sick for a few years now. I have a bit of paper that says i am'unfit for work'...how embarassing. I really want to work. But my brain goes wonky sometimes and I get a bit anxious and in real life Im not actually as cool as I sound in my blog. Im a bit twitchy and weird.
I used to work in Scummerfield at the checkout whilst studying for my Alevels. 2 years of Psychology, art, english and Philosophy....but sadly I have no A Levels as I didnt take the exams due to being locked in a mental hospital. waking up in a psychiatric unit having spent most of your life trying to succeed and hold things together, is a bit of a bummer. Actually thought my life was over.
But it isnt and I came out of hospital after a few months and started college doing Health and Social Care, and I couldnt concentrate and I got too nervous to go in and I had lost the ability to concentrate or read and write very well and it was too hard and life was getting very very tricky and I wasnt coping, so after another failed attempt at studying I stopped college. And then Ive been back in hospital and out again, and whilst most of my school friends are in thier final year at uni or have been busy travelling the world, I have become a cat-lady in slippers who goes to a funny farm and splashes paint around from time to time.
It is very frustrating as up until I had a nervy B, I had all the potential and energy to make a success of my life. I worked hard at school, and got some A* GCSEs not because I am that clever but because I worked my butt off...and where has it got me?
The point is I still intend on getting my qualifications and then getting a good job where I can do something useful and maybe help other people. Mental Health problems (some sort of personality disease apparantly) has really got in the way the last few years. I tried to kill myself a few times, and Im still not sure how I managed to escape death since each time I was pretty sure it should work....but apparantly not. so I figured I was just going to have to battle on.. and Im still here :-)
On the bright side at least I will have had my fair share of stress and trauma so that when I hit 35 and my school friends are having thier mid-life crises, I will have already had my early life crises and will be off having a ball like I should have been doing these last few years.
I just want everyone to know that one day I will pay my way and do something very useful with my time here on earth, and that is a promise.
1 comment:
"Watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Watch your words for they become your actions. Watch your actions, for they become your habits. Watch your habits for they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your...destiny".
Bless you Laura.....! :).
XX For Bert and Ernie.....! :).
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