Brain Doc

I saw the brain doctor on Thursday (I think hes a psychiatrist), who told me that I have come on a lot in the last two years, which is good. He then went on to say that in another couple years I could be good as new, which is not so good. Because 2 years is friggin ages. He said you cant rush recovery and Iv had a lot of stress and I need to be patient.

Well I have wasted a lot of my life being an in-patient and an out-patient and i am impatient and I dont want to just be a mental health patient. i have more important things to do , quite frankly, such as cat-ladying and painting pictures and writing my very extrememly popular inspiring world famous blog. Which isnt this one, obviously.

So Im ignoring the time scale thing and planning to sort my life out quickly and efficiently.Lesley said to think of it as by the time Im 22 I could be well on my way....which I spose is better and in the grand scheme of life I guess 2 years is only a tiny bit. But when you consider that Ive been seeing the brain doc since I was 16 it is practically half my life that I have wasted being nearly almost mad.

Ok so It hasnt been a total waste of time, since I have learnt a lot about life and gained understanding and empathy and grown into the person that I am today and blahh blah blah, but still I dont recommend going nearly mad. Try and stay sane if you can. So Iv got my happy pills and psycho pills and the doc seems to think I can make a good full recovery if I keep up the good work. Yay.

So although my life may have gone slightly wrong or not as planned, I am just reminding myself that I am doing things, I am trying hard, and I have come far in my recovery. When Ive seen the brain doctor before I dont remember saying anything other than that I wanted to die, hopefully soon, and trying desperately to wriggle my way out of that chair as soon as poss.

This time I waffled a lot and he had to politely ask me to leave because he had other patients to see. I just wanted to say how much better I am and how hard Im trying, and hoped he would tell me to go an get a job....but instead Im going to spend a little while longer feeding goats and splattering paint on some paper. I am not lazy and I am determined to find a meaning for my existance.

I am still here and still trying hard and actually I am proud of myself and everything thats happened has made me strong, and i only plan on getting stronger, thank you very much.