My Recovery

The Choice

Let go of the noose you hold in your hand,
Feel it melt between your fingers and slip away like sand.

Wipe away the sleepy dust nd open up your eyes, feel your soul just turn to dust then swirl around inside.
Breathe in breathe deep and breathe it out. Slow. Breathe in again expand your lungs and then finally let go.
Breathe slow. Breathe deep into soul, into your fingers and your toes, mouth and nose, flow. Feel your heart pumping your lungs thumping, so calmly. Moment by moment, breath by breath, take a step back from your reflection, see what could be true perfection. step outside your outer state and listen to your heart beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. And it will keep beating, with every breath you take.

The conflict all around can drift along outside, flicker with the tide, stand strong in your core,  life is just a series of moments, forever and ever more. And each moment will pass. So keep breathing. Breathe in.....and breathe out again.

Do this once, and do it properly. Go somewhere, alone. Somewhere open where you cant be found...Start screaming, start shouting. Fill your lungs with the noise trapped inside your core, feel your voice transpire into whisps of shadows of trapped words. Scream and shout and let it all out. Dont be scared, be free, shout as if this moment is the pinaccle of moments, where you hear your voice less meekly. Smile inside and breathe out the dust, your heart is still beating. Breathing.

Start to laugh, feel it rise in your belly. Laugh out loud even if you look like a nelly, as if you've just won a brand new telly or been served a great big plate of jelly, or just seen an enormous flying welly

Start from this moment, just start over again. Start being who you want to be, who you should have been, doesnt matter where youve been, now you're clean. Throw away the emptiness, dont stay in bed all day, get up get out and start to live, give yourself a chance at life, believe it wont always be full of strife.

See colours and hope, untie the rope, start climbing up it. Keep climbing higher, even when you are tired..just have a break and come back re-wired. Don't give up. Don't ever give up.

Bad days will come, just let them pass you by. Start again another day and slowly the pain will wash away, start today. Dont be afraid. When the whole world seems to be crashing down, remember there is always someone who might want you around. Turn around, start again. Make some friends.

Do things you find difficult with the aim of moving forward. Don't take good feelings for granted, treasure every moment, hold onto it and breathe it in and lock it somewhere deep within. Start to smile, let it become a grin, dont worry about being too fat or too thin, just go for it. Believe you could win. Take things on the chin and come back fighting stronger, start writing, keep typing, not so many tears to be wiping.

Speak out a bit louder with a clearer voice, add some colour, start making choices, dont believe all the negative voices. When you've messed things up dont be so hard on yourself for being wrong, just learn from it to make you strong.

Start to take some pride in who you are. Learn to love yourself before expecting anyone else to love you. Have some self-respect. Cook yourself some dinner and dont forget to eat, dont go out with your clothes inside out or slippers on your feet. Dont go out with your hair or tassled, brush it, or cut it off to save the hassle. Take the meds the doctor gave you, give them a go, dont expect them to save you.

Follow your dreams as distant as they seem, and just push on. You cant go wrong, if you only try your best. Get some zest for life and a sense of adventure. Get something really lovely, something that brings you calm and loves you on your bad days. Something like a teddy or a friend or a plant or a goldfish to help you on your journey. I got Bert and Ernie.

Just start to be you. You will pull though. And you will grow, into the person you were here to be, somebody free. Believe that its true, even if it seems so out of reach to you. Remember who you were the day when things felt right, start to fly a kite or ride your bike or play an instrument or sing, answer the phone, dont panic when it rings.

Understand that your life is up to you. The only person who will always be with you, is the person in the mirror staring at you. Look into thier eyes and stop looking through.