Little Voice

From today, I'm just going to be me. I try so hard sometimes to make sure people like me, appreciate me, want to be around me, that it's exhausting. Maybe if I started to like myself, other people would appreciate it and like me for it.

Yuck I hate the way I look. My hair always flicks in the wrong direction, I get spots, im pale, my clothes don't look right..and don't get me started on my face, my body, what I see in the mirror. normally im disgusted by my relection. sometimes i dont even recognise myself in the mirror. there are days when i physically cant look at myself, because i just want to get out of my skin. I hide so that no-one can see me. im embarassed when someone looks at me.
But maybe if I just accepted these things and told myself that I'm ME, and be proud of it, then I would feel better. I'm 5 ft 4, I'm a size 10, there's nothing so awful about that. So what if I don't have a button nose, or my face goes pink when I'm embarrassed. I don't judge, or even notice those things about other people, so why should it bother them about me?

I hate my voice. It's too quiet, and its kind of squeaky and makes me sound about 5. When I laugh it goes all high pitched and I stop myself before it gets too out of control.
But maybe if I just raised my voice a little bit, people wouldn't notice it and would pay more attention to what I was actually saying. Maybe if I just laughed as if no-one was watching, people would just laugh with me.

I hate not being able to think of things to say. I get tongue tied and can't get my words out. I can't think of anything helpful to contribute to gossip about makeup, guys and what she said that he said. To be honest, it bores me. I'm not saying that I only like heavy conversations about ambitions and culture and philosophy...but maybe I would BE more interesting if i actually voiced my opinions. I'm guilty of agreeing with people for the sake of it, saying what they want to hear. Well I'm not going to do that anymore.

I'm going to find my voice. I'm going to be who I am...that's wearing what I want to wear, not trying to be something I'm not. That's believing what i want to believe, not what people think I should believe. I'm not going to be embarrassed to be me. Life's too short really.