Today has been exhausting. I have learnt some lessons and cried lots if tears and been worried and hurt and angry and sad for someone and strong for someone.
To cut a long story short, ive had a friend staying with me the last few nights. This morning i saved her life. I dont think she appreciates it. I dont think she appreciates me. Its her 21st birthday tomorrow. Im glad she is still here.
Im glad i have realised that you cant always help people. Not if they dont want to help themselves. I have done all i can for her, for years. Our friendship consists of me giving, and her taking.
I have got to toughen up. Because i care about her, because i want to be her friend, i have realised i cant keep picking up the pieces of the messes she gets herself into.
The doctor said it could have been life threatening. I cried. She smiled.
I have been where she is. I got to a point where i realised the damage i was causing all around me. She seems to revel in it... I am so confused.
I feel too tired to keep fighting against her, she does exactly as she wants and gets angry at anyone who tries to tell her otherwise. I care about her so much, too much to keep looking out for her when she is not even looking out for herself, and has no respect for how anyone else is feeling.
I luv her too much to watch her kill herelf, ive already seen one friend do that... And i feel so guilty but i hink the kindest thing i can do now, is walk away.
I hope one day she will look back and realise i only ever tried to be her friend.
Im not sure if Im doing the right thing or not....i know she is angry at me for teling her the truth. I know, for once, i am doing the right thing for me...because I really cant handle all the drama she creates. I just dont know if Im doing the right thing for her..... what a day...exhausted.
If you are reading....I luv you. I know you probably hate me now. I just want you to get better. Please please please start helping yourself, i have helped you as much as I can and I wish I could do more but there is no-one in the world who can make these things better, but you. x
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